Shortly after this event, a Pakistani family moved into the house 2 doors down. It was at this point that Cai learnt about decisions and financial gain. The son, Tamoor a slightly older boy, soon became a good friend of Cai`s (even though Cai hit him in the face with a golf club...but thats another story...) as did Tamoor`s servant girl. Yes, he had his own personal servant. She washed and dressed him, made snacks, cleaned clothes, entertained guests and generally did everything around that small 2 up 2 down house (no mansion by any means). They`d go out and play, climbing trees, throwing mud, eating bugs, all that, come home and she`d be tutting and fussing, checking for cuts and bruises, making them curry, and stroking their hair as she talked all the while in that strange Pakistani tongue. Cai loved her.
Now Cai had an older sister, Beck. She loved to bully Cai. Not physically (he had put an end to that when he stood on her head a year ago) but mentally. She`d buy several hundred chocolate toffees, put them in a jar where Cai could see them, and wait. Cai, being the chocolate crazed, force
wielding, urban warrior that he was, would `borrow` a few for special mission purposes. Inevitably all hell would break lose as Beck discovered that she only had 77 , instead of 105 left. World war III, hints, allegations, his father, worse, his mother, denials, confessions, apologies, no 25p pocket money this week, ssshhhhiiitt, no 25p pocket money next week, tactical withdrawal to bedroom to moan the injustice of the world and make resolution to never talk to family again.
As you can see, she was a master tactician, and Cai simply did not have the skill or abilities to confront the dark side
It was a warm sunny day (it`s always warm and sunny when we look back into the past) Tamoor and me were playing golf in the front garden (no I didn`t hit him yet). Beck was looking on in an amused fashion as we hacked the lawn in a vain attempt to get the goddam ball to move, and then it happened. Tamoor`s servant girl appeared (can`t for the life of me remember her name) and called us in for our 10 o`clock snack, the dark one
included. Now as the we stood in the kitchen eating our samosas, we caught a glance of the most amazing chillis and the servant girl, saw us staring.
`1 pound you eat the biiiiggg red chilli, 5 pounds the small green one` she said in broken English.
At this point, the barest of looks from Tamoor, maybe he used the force
, was enough to halt me in my tracks. Beck`s eyes lit up. What was going through her mind? How many chocolate toffees can I buy? How much pain can I inflict on Cai with those toffees? How much control will I have? Who knows.
`Give me the small one!`
The girls eyes creased in a smile,`Try bbbiiiiiiigggg one`
`I`ll eat the small one for 5 pounds`
The rest was history. Surfice to say that the jug of water prepared had no effect, nor did running home and putting her head under the tap. The puking would have felt pretty bad I guess, especially since the hot chilli was coming back up into her mouth. That sure must have been some ring of fire the next day, judging by the screams that came from the toilet. She never did get her 5 pounds through all the commotion. And I saw that she had made a poor decision with no return, but it didn`t matter, I had found my Pakistani wonder woman
...fighting for truth justice and the Kingston upon Thames way.